Road Tour Rookie

I'm a newbie to the road tour, a first timer...we've made 6 stops as of now on the tour with each one bringing out a different emotion in me. It's hard to stay strong when you see a mother, wife, daughter, son, father talk about their missing loved ones with eyes so teared and voices trembling. I can't hug them and say I understand your pain, I don't because I've never had a missing loved one, but my heart aches right along with every sob, prayer, words of come home, we love you, we're searching for you, and the most often heard we'll never give up. It's an experience as bad as it sounds, yet, I wouldn't miss it, it gives me the strength and courage to push forward to be there to help the families in any way I can.
I've also seen a different side to Monica, from Monica The Searcher. I see even more compassion and the want from her to bring all the missing home to their families...her extended family. I thank Monica for giving me the opportunity to come along on this journey to get these cases the much needed attention they deserve.
Angie

Signal Mountain Rally Stop

It was one stop we were stressing to get to as we hit a time change and were afraid of not being on time, the first time change in the tour makes everyone question...are we on time? Coming in through the tall mountains everyone enjoyed the scenery, but not for me, I see so much different Terran all the time, also I know this would be a case CUE will soon be searching on soon after the tour. I paid extra attention of the surroundings and how levels were rising as well as vegetation growth, My immediate thoughts to myself are sadness, she has so many people who love and miss her, but more over the case is not that old. The cases of those missing in the first year, well let's just say the families pain is raw and the levels of frustration are at an all high; this is where families need extra guidance in their case, their journey of the unknown fate of a missing loved one. So the rally stop was filled with everything making a large statement, such as...big clusters of balloons, large pictures of Gail, missing person pictures from across the state strung up on a long line as if it screams, we are hanging out tennessee's little secret of those missing, food and goodies everywhere but most importantly the main attraction, a table over flowing with momentos of Gail, her life and photo after photo of a woman who seemed to be okay, content with life. What really happened to Gail, this is not known yet, but rumors are well on that mountain top, an mind you we listen as each opinion it is vital to this case and needs to be heard, really in any case? I have to hold on to my experience at this point to not get side tracked and that is doing what I can to aid the case and investigators. Lots of caring folk were there including law officials and it was clear they were excited we were coming, everyone was great. My main thought as we were leaving was not a goodbye but I will be back. Monica

Winston Salem Rally Stop

Arrived to the home of Dedrick Smith's family...an African American who rarely gets attention to his case, just a reminder of "if your not white and pretty and missing, well...enough said", I hear it daily and sadly have experienced it for 17 years. You see the world makes up what is marketable, we are all guilty of it at one time or another, for me I make it a point to always face that reality head on! I do NOT play a part to it, I have chosen to help change That in life and have to believe in some small way it helps. God forbid you are a male, handicapped, ugly, not have citizenship, have a drug issue or get this, be an adult? Then it becomes almost impossible to get the press to cover your disappearance, why? Well, because YOU are not marketable...so, my point is do not complain unless you stand up and take part to change it. You do not get that right. So, we embrace all in attendance and listen to a wonderful song sung by a local pastor...he was amazing, straight from the heart, southern hard tortured black struggling gospel, I love that type of singing, it was definitely received. Dedrick's mom did a great job with the table, balloons and words spoken. This family walks the walk of what a christain is and it is clear they just really love everyone, no matter what...you cannot help to love them back, just cause. For me it is more though because I was the first one there for them when their loved one got missing, and over the years have grown to share in their pain and have respect and love for them all. I left knowing one thing for sure is that Dedrick would always be a black adult male who is missing and we will always have to work harder on his case just because of our worlds criteria, and I get mad all over again.
Monica

North Wilkesboro Rally Stop

Arriving was like coming home to the family of Jeffrey Combs, there was Lucie waiting to give her hug; a hug that is always so tight as if she never wants to let you go but I know more, it is really her just hanging on tight for life. See Lucie cries each time we come to search for her son and then again when we leave with no recovery, she does not do it to make us feel bad it is just her release. I really love her - she is a person who will never give up and even that she does not know it, inspires me. Then you do not have to look far and see the sample pain in Trish Bakers eyes knowing exactly what this mother of a missing son is going through..holding her up with great strength nearby, her husband Dwayne and his best friend Jerry, of coarse and the Baker Bash Crew made up of family and long time friends. They did an awesome job with the visuals and invites to get people their to support our efforts and the family of missing Jeffrey Combs, to include law officials. Lucie spoke from her heart, old timer mountain singing that was great and then the prayer and candle lighting...this is where it becomes silent and the pain of a missing or murdered loved one re visits everyone there and shows it's ugly face, always a dreaded time for some, but a much needed action to provide healing...you can only heal by facing your grief and pushing past the pain. We decide to stay longer and go to a late dinner, see we all hate to leave "family" and no one wants to say
goodbye first...because we all know that feeling of feeling alone until the next time...and no one wants to have to return back to the reality that most do not care unless it directly affects them. At the departure...no one ever mentions it, but those broken only feel complete and strong when surrounded by other who have helped in being the glue.
Monica

Signal Mountain, Tn

We left NC early this morning in order to be in Signal Mountain to meet up with the friends of Gail Palmgren, 44, a mother of 2, who went missing April 30, 2011. This being a "fresh" case emotions were running exceptionally high. I thought it was awesome that this rally had been arranged by her best friend who lives out of state. 3 clotheslines hung with flyers of the 127 people who are missing from the state of Tennessee. It made quite a visible statement. I watched as everyone who arrived stopped and spent time looking at all the flyers. One thing that moved me was the amount of people who came out to support Gail, even though there were no family members present, and it had been arranged long distance. The media coverage and amount of law enforcement present was impressive.
Sometimes anger engulfs us when we feel we are not getting the things we want done accomplished. Sometimes our emotions work in our favor...squeaky wheel...and sometimes it doesn't...irrational. But it is an individual path and only those of us who have had the experience of having a missing love one know how many forks can occur in the road. In the end, though, we pick our direction...the right direction...because this is our journey....
Elisa

Reflections From The Bus

While sitting in the back seat of the bus I started thinking back to how far I've come and all I've been through over the last 6 years. At our first stop yesterday I met up with the family of Delwin Locklear. I have known some members of this family since my first conference in '07 when Matt was still missing. We rode together (on a bus) to our first candlelight vigil. You can never forget your first unveiling of the wall of the missing... Now here we are all these years later and Delwin is still missing.... His mom is still stuck in that place..of not knowing...of needing answers...
Yet, we always manage to have a good time when we are together...I think that's what has kept me sane throughout this experience...this journey...whether it's Monica getting us lost in a motel parking lot or Harlan threatening to leave me by the side of the road in Texas, there is always a lot of laughter and that somehow manages to balance out the sadness...
Elisa

Raeford Rally Stop

Upon entering the stop for Roger a feeling of sadness is strong as this family is on high emotion, still " what we call fresh"' see just a little over a year he became missing; all of the family are now in phase one...lost, not on familiar ground and wearing TORN on their faces...that's the worst for me as an advocate, getting them through the torn part. This is also the phase in a case where you see other families of the missing move into protective mode over the fresh/newbie families, this is also where you see small miracles of trust develop and Bonding occur. Still no place any of us ever want to be! It was heart wrenching to listen as each family member expressed their individual pain as you could measure each loss on that
Level as well. Again, another departure feeling accomplished that our family master their first public event, speaking out, standing up and for their absent loved one. As we pull out into traffic, I think the sad and worst thing at the moment is that life still has to go on.
Monica